I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
