You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
