I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
