i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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