Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize