Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
