The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
