I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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