hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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