you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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