This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
