at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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