Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
