Please, let me fuck your mom
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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