Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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