But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
