This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
