IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
