Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize