Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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