Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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