You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
