Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
