a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize