He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
