I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
