I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
