I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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