just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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