fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
