Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
