she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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