New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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