wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
