i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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