well I can't set my house on fire every night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
