I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
