Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
