just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
