I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
