just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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