just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
