Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize