Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
