No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
