Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
