Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
