I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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