I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
