I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
