I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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