I didn't shave. On purpose
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize