So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
