So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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