if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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