Sry I called you an 8
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize