Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
