I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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