I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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