Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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