If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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