Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
