i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
