There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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