does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
