How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
