let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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